Event 23 - Maverick East Sussex 15km Trail Run

I love the fact that every single one of these events is such an experience. I set out to do this challenge to raise money for Grassroots but I never realised how much the challenge would benefit my life and mental health. I needed to do something with my grief when my sister passed away - I felt I was sinking into an abyss of depression. I didn’t intend for this to be a solution to my (what felt like) constant sadness, the motivation was more to do with doing something to help others at risk of suicide and their families because the result of suicide is just so devastating. I couldn’t bear thinking of other families having to experience this type of death. I felt completely helpless. But this challenge has been a journey of self discovery, positive mental health and acceptance. It’s such a bonus that these things have happened and I feel so lucky that my life has really turned a corner and all because I made the decision to fundraise and stick my neck out doing the craziest of physical challenges.
Today’s experience was coincidental. It just so happens that this event fell on the hottest day of the year - we’re having a heatwave here in the uk and my car thermometer read 31 degrees just after we left the event.
I have never ever run in this heat in my life and when I realised the start wasn’t at 9am but 10am I was a little worried both for myself and my son Seb who took part in this race with me, side by side. I was concerned about heat stroke and how we’d cope. I could have decided not to go but I love the way this journey has made me challenge myself and I wasn’t about to give up because of a bit of heat - this was just another (unexpected) thing to conquer!
It’s been so lovely to get fit and be able to exercise alongside Seb. Running is his passion and without doing this challenge I would never have been fit enough to to take part in these events with him so it’s brought us together and given us a hobby we can enjoy together, without me just being a taxi service!
I’m sitting here writing this blog and Seb is currently out running around woodland doing orienteering on this hottest of days. I asked him if he wanted to give it a miss after the 15km we did this morning and he said “no way, I love running, let’s go”  So here we are in Rivers Wood in Hayward’s Heath. I’m resting my legs and he’s still going!
We started making sure we were properly hydrated yesterday. For me that is drinking a few pints of water with added electrolytes the day before an event and on the morning of the event.
Seb and I both said to each other we felt strong today and I knew we’d need that strength in this heat.
We set off very near the front of the “pack” at the start line so we were up with the speedy ones and we kept the pace quite well and ran all of the constant incline in the first few km’s. There was one very steep hill I think at about 5km that we had to walk - I didn’t see anyone else running it. And after that it was rolling hills up down up down up down. I used to hate hills, now I’m indifferent to them and that’s progress. Maybe one day I’ll learn to love them! At the first refreshment stop I chucked water over our heads to try and keep cool. There was a breeze thankfully which just about made the heat bearable. There was a dip in one of the hills however that had not one iota of wind and I swear the temperature felt about 45 degrees. We got to the top of the hill and I found some shade and just stood there feeling like I was in a sauna - it was unbelievably hot 🥵. Seb had already ditched his running top by this point as he was sweltering - I nearly did the same! There wasn’t much shade and the sun just zaps your energy, it’s hard. I was constantly asking Seb how he was feeling (worried mum) but we were fine. I’ve learnt that you can put your body through things that aren’t very nice but just because they’re not nice - it doesn’t mean you can’t do it. By actually doing things that are hard or not nice and not giving up, you realise how strong and capable you actually are. And I say this to Seb....not matter how uncomfortable or difficult you think this is right now, you’ll feel great you’ve achieved it at the end, and we always do!
The second refreshment stop was at the perfect time. I couldn’t even smile at this point as my lips had dried out, any smiling would have resulted in cracked lips! Water chucking over heads commenced, watermelon, coke and rehydration....wow it felt great. We had a few more hills to do but nothing major after this point and then it was through some woods and all downhill from there (in a good way!). Seb paced me all the way to the finish as I was starting to flag. I was making all sorts of noises but I didn’t really care ....I was running and running fast, a bit of grunting was required. The finish of this particular course comes quite rapidly - it’s not like being on Brighton seafront and you can see the finish but actually it’s miles away. With Maverick East Sussex you turn a corner and there it is, the finish line, with lovely volunteers putting your medal on and handing you a cold beer - thanks Maverick.
Today I learnt I can cope with running in the heat. Our bodies are pretty amazing you know and I keep surprising myself quite what I can put my body through and I’m fine. I’d never know that if I wasn’t getting out there and doing this. It’s empowering.
Klaire pops into my mind at various points in the events I have done. It tends to be when I’m really finding things hard or struggling (maybe it’s the association with how hard I found it to deal with my grief?) I’m not sure...., but I feel that prick behind my eyes when you know you’re going to cry because I miss her so much but the thought of knowing I have a purpose, that I want to do these challenges and raise money to help preventable deaths by suicide, drives me on and the tears don’t come and my grief doesn’t overwhelm me. It may sound like I’m trying to control my grief but it’s more that it no longer controls me. I have found a way to cope and very slowly I am beginning to accept this world without our Klaire. I don’t like it but life goes on and we all have to find a way to live a happy life. So I’m at the start of my acceptance journey after loss of a loved one by suicide.
I’m learning to accept that I can’t bring her back, I can’t change what happened and I will always miss her. I am slowly creating a world around me that is positive, helps me cope with grief and brings me closer to my loved ones. I am so different today than the person I was a year ago, imagine what I’ll be like when I finish in 2020! A better and happier person so I can be the best mum I can be to my children... that’s great isn’t it?!
The events keep rolling on, I have “the fear” about my next event which is Paddle round the Pier festival 2.5km sea swim. The Saltdean Lido only opened very recently so I’ve squeezed in two weeks of swim training and managed a 2.7km swim yesterday in about 1hr 10mins. So I know I can do the distance in a pool....but this is open water. I’m going to stay focused on the lifeguards who will stay close by rather than focusing on how far out to sea I am and I’ll keep in mind my wetsuit makes me buoyant so I won’t drown. And I’m looking forward to what else I will learn about myself next week....because there will be something, there always is.

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